Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and getting married in August. My boyfriend is an American white man and we have been friends for two years. We would have been married already but his divorce took a while to be completed. He is thirty years old and has one child. Everybody in my family is excited about me getting married to this man. I don't know anybody on his side of family but he knows some of my relatives. He said his people are not prejudiced and his brother married a young woman from the Philippines.

I am of light complexion. I did not want to have a stepchild but she will not be living with us. When he came to Jamaica some months ago, all my relatives wanted something from him, including one of my brothers, who doesn't work and spends his time smoking the weed and gambling. He told me that when I get to America I should send for him, but I prefer to have him stay in Jamaica and rot than to take him there and embarrass me around my husband's relatives and friends.

I am only hoping that my relationship with this man will last because when it comes to sex he is not so good at that; I had better times with my ex-boyfriend. My present fiancé's penis is short but I have never said a word to him about that. I always lie and tell him that I enjoy having sex.

Do you think that I should tell him? Can his penis be enlarged? I am hoping to hear from you soon.

O.E.

Dear O.E.,

From what you have written, the concerns you have are: 1. whether his people are prejudiced - they may not like you because you are not Caucasian. 2. You do not enjoy having sex with him because you believe that his penis is too small. However, you have not had the courage to talk to him about that.

This man's penis is not going to grow larger. It can be enlarged if he does surgery, which is very expensive but that can be done. Whether he will be willing to do that is another matter. And you have to be careful how you go about discussing that with him, because he may just embarrass you by saying he is not small, you are large and you should go and see about yourself before he marries you. And that, I am sure, will bring an end to the relationship and all the plans about getting married to him will come to an end.

You ought to know what you really want. No one can make this decision for you. If you hadn't had sex with this man you wouldn't know that he is too small. You would have worked with what you got. Now that you believe that he is too small and you believe that you would not enjoy having sex with him, you would have to decide on your own whether you want to proceed with marriage plans. You will not get me to suggest one way or the other what you should do. This is solely in your hands. But I beg you, use common sense.

Pastor