I am writing to tell you about my problems. I have had a hard upbringing. My mother was not married. She had eight children with six different men. The men did not treat her well and she had to work hard and do higglering to support us. Sometimes we had to stay home from school to help her, but I love my mother. I fell into the same problem.

I met a man and he gave me three children. I took him up with only three pants. We work hard and I encouraged him to go on the farm work. While he was there, he sent me money and I saved some of the money. He bought a lot of things and brought them home, but he also brought home sickness. From I was born I never had venereal disease and this man gave this to me. I was so shocked when the doctor told me that I must tell him to come in to see him because it is a sexually transmitted disease I have. He said that the doctor was lying because he did not have anything to do with any girl up there. I told him that I am going to tell the children what I am suffering from, and that their father is a no good man. Then he said that he had sex with a girl but they used a condom. He went to the doctor and told the doctor the truth.

Every time I think of what happened, I cuss him. I cannot bring myself to have sex with him. Some of the men who went on the farm work have it to say that it is the best time they had with women. These women sell themselves to these men. My children's father and I are not married and we were planning to get married. I do not know what to do. We are living on a lease land. I love him and the children love him.

Do you think I should encourage him to go back on farm work and do you think I should marry him?

Please give me your fatherly advice.

A.R., St. Catherine, Jamaica

Dear A.R.,

Your lover could have picked up sexually transmitted infections (STI) anywhere. So whether he is in Jamaica, Canada or the United States, he exposes himself to these diseases if he has unprotected sex with other women. Even if you were to discourage him from going back abroad on farm work and he carelessly goes around with women In Jamaica, he could become infected. Nevertheless, I understand what you are saying. But, it is not where a man goes, but how he conducts himself wherever he goes. I am glad that he went to the doctor and was treated.

I suggest that you forgive him and that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor, and after you have had the sessions, both of you can decide with the counsellor when your wedding can take place. Before I go, let me say that your man sent his money home and that he did not return with empty hands. And for that he needs to be commended.

Please let me know what progress the relationship is making.

Pastor